Monday, October 31, 2011

I HATE YOU!


I hate you stick shift car because I can not drive you to freedom. You sit in my driveway taunting me daily, reminding me constantly of how at one time I could ride you whenever or wherever my heart desired. I hate you now!

I hate you iron because you remind me of just how much I have lost in my hands.  You snicker at me with your gleaming plastic, steaming me up about all that I have lost in my strength. If I dare to buy the cotton I love, I have to weigh the options...torture myself by ironing or wear wrinkled clothes.  I wear the wrinkled clothes most of the time and the few others...well I pay the price dearly.

I hate you wicked toilet that you are. Every single flush reminds me of how much you will need to be cleaned.  How much I will have to struggle with those stupid child proof devices before I even attempt to conquer your disgust. But conquer I must at some point as we can not yet afford a housekeeper.

I hate you Magnolia tree. For most of the year I truly love you and your beautiful blossoms that remind me of years gone.  Of the gentler years of tea on the porch.  But in the fall, I hate you.  Of course it is normal for you to drop your dead leaves.  This is what you must do to rejuvenate your blooms.  I am not ignorant to this fact but in the fall I despise what needs to be done. Like a toddler romping about a room, you leave your debris behind for me to clean.  Well, at least with you it is not year round contempt. You will redeem yourself in the spring.

I really, really hate you vacuum. Why were you invented in the first place?  Couldn't we just learn to live with dirt on our floors?  Is it that disgusting to have some fine particles, a few clumps of hair, and maybe a leaf or two to get caught in our toes?  I do hate you!  Not only are you exceptionally heavy (and yes I realize this is why you do such a great job) but you have the arrogance to display your superiority...
The Boss! Just who do you think you are anyway?  Bad enough you remind me of the shoulder and extreme hand pains I will endure to see gleaming floors and cat hair free carpets but to taunt me with this visible reminder of who exactly rules here. How dare you!

And Ms. Refrigerator, just because you store all the yummies in our home, don't think I care for you at all.  In fact, it is your constant care that causes me to hate you.  You not only need to be sterilized occasionally and I do mean occasionally in my home but you also need to be constantly supervised to ensure that no expired things loom in your depths. At the very least you could self clean. I mean we do have self cleaning ovens...why not refrigerators?

I hate you stairs!  You forever remind me of how I must pause every single step of the way while I try to reach new heights.  Why is it that we see fit to build anything above a single level?  Yes, yes, I know how much less environmental impact high rises are on the earth but what about the impact on those of us with bad knees, bad backs, or just those of us without energy?  Where is the justice in this after all?  I say we do away with every single extra stair in this world and flat line it all. I know, I will run for political office on this platform. Um, errrr rather idea.

I hate you shoes! Yes, those things that so many woman spend a small fortune on to lift their spirits. In fact, it is the very design of it all that infuriates me. I mean who in their right mind ever thought that a heel was necessary on a shoe. And the fact that some heels rise to 3 inches or more...well that is just an accident waiting to happen. Aren't we suppose to avoid falls as we age?  So why have anything over say a 1/2 inch heel?  I wonder if I could initiate a safety law suit on these manufacturers being there is no safety warning on high heeled shoes? Shouldn't they read...may cause dizziness due to possible loss of oxygen at this height, may cause severe bodily injury due to fall or broken ankle. Or that a toe area, not even big enough for a half dollar to squeeze into, would be fitting for a real foot let alone one with ra. I would suggest we manufacture them as torture devices and sell them to the CIA. Truly, I hate shoes. Not only have I spent a small fortune on every variety I can find for comfort but I am sad to report that my only two pairs I can wear are sneakers.  A sad state of affairs in my humble opinion. Anyone interested in buying almost new woman size 10 shoes?

I hate you door!  You weigh a ton! Who in their right mind put you up in the first place? True you have the right handle for my ra hands but your weight is unbearable.  And then you have the audacity to throw your weight around, trying to knock me down.  Many would say, "Well, just change it."  But have you priced good quality doors lately?  They cost a small fortune.  Oh well, I suppose I will just continue to use our garage door entrance until you rust shut. At that point, I can then justify the cost to ship you out to the junk yard. You can be assured I will be celebrating that day!

I hate you garbage can! Somewhere between today and several thousand yesterdays, local governments decided to switch over to automated garbage pickup. This is what ensued. The over sized garbage can that can be stuffed to the hilt, weighs a ton, and is by no means driver friendly evolved. Sure, it may save the garbage company some money but for those of us folks that must get this clunker to the curb...well, we pay the price!  I am fortunate that for the majority of the time, I don't have to wrestle with you but lately I have been reminded of my inabilities to deal with monsters like you. For this, I hate you!

I hate you dryer!  You remind me not only of how much I hate to do laundry in the first place, of how expensive you cost to run but also of how low I have to go to just get the clothes in and out of you. How dare you!  Couldn't you rise up to the occasion once in awhile? Or why couldn't you at least have a shoot whereby you would spit the clothes out folded into the appropriate spot? And good gracious, why can't you figure out what to do with all that lint? No, instead you force me to constantly bend down, pull out the trap and clean you. I am beginning to think that paper clothing should be revived.

I hate you bed! Well, at least on this day which is the day you need to be made. How dare you require me to struggle and pull, cuss and mumble. Well, at least for you I don't mind the struggle so much.  After all, with you I can find refuge from it all in your warm embrace at night.

I can only hope that you don't hate as much as I do but if you do hate inadament objects that aggravate ra like I do, I would love to know what you hate most.

15 comments:

Susan said...

Right there with you, Deb.
definitely changing the sheets - seems I've gone from weekly to monthly now :(

the closet bar - although taking half the clothes to the thrift shop and "hooking" the hangers on towards me, instead of away from me has helped

ANYTHING that twists off - don't know what the solution is

The can opener - the cat is transitioning to dry food, poor thing

All the new packaging - I now own many many pairs of kitchen scissors

The grocery cart with the sticky wheel

My beloved cast iron skillets - sigh, I love them to cook, but they are so heavy

We deal with so much with RA, and all the losses add up. I find that looking for ways to adapt is exhausting, but necessary.

Wish insurance would pay for cleaning service!

Deb aka AbcsOfra said...

Susan...if you aren't using an electric can opener, do buy one. They help alot with the cans. I gave up a manual one two days after being diagnosed with ra. And oh yes, I so agree about insurance companies covering cleaning services. But we must be nuts to even think this given the current exclusion of coverages going on currently with insurance companies or pre-approvals, etc. We can surely dream though...can't we :-)

WarmSocks said...

I'm with you on the bed sheets. The way I look at it, when farmers were out laboring in their fields all week and only bathed on Saturday night (because there was no indoor plumbing), it made sense to launder those smelly sheets weekly - clean bodies, clean sheets. Now people bathe daily and the sheets just don't get dirty as fast. I change the sheets when they need it, not when the calendar dictates.

Dryer: Have you seen the platforms they sell for front-loading washer/dryer sets?

Shoes: phone a podiatrist and ask for a recommendation of shoe stores. I have two pair of cute shoes that fit my orthotics (bonus, they don't tie, but close with a velcro strap). Those and my tennis shoes are all I've worn for two years. (well, not all, but that's all I've worn on my feet)

A housekeeper would be great, wouldn't it!

Cathy said...

Putting sheets back on the bed is high on my list. Once you carry the load of sheets to your room, you feel exhausted and then trying to put them on can be a killer to the shoulders and fingers.

The refrigerator? Poor thing. I feel sorry for ours. It REALLY needs someone to give it some lovin'. Even when feeling good, it is often ignored. :(

Stick shift? I am good at driving a stick shift but can't imagine doing it daily. Luckily only one of our cars has a stick shift.

Thrive With RA said...

Hi Deb,

I was laughing out loud at this post, and feeling your pain at the same time. Thank you for making the challenges we face so humorous.

The Lady in Pred said...

Love it, love it! Just perfect :) Also hate emptying the bottom of the dishwasher--bending, bending, bending. Ugh! And you are right about the vacuum! Right now my floors look like someone brought the outside in. Love your humor Deb!
Sherry

Theresa said...

Wonderful post!!!
Yes, yes, yes!!!!! I totally agree!
We purchased a front loader last year...already have it on Craig's List. Number one, it twists the HELL out of our clothes and braids them together like a three corded rope. Two, I have to get down on my knees to get in a position where I don't have to bend forward. Three... then and only then can I pull and yank and pull and yank trying to RELEASE said braided clothes from this MONSTER of a WASHER!!! Ugh.
How about...
Pulling your wallet out of your purse?
Holding a coffee cup by the handle?
Trying to keep your grip on your toothbrush?
Rolling over in bed?
Oh, for heaven's sake...it's all tough.
But you know what...how many of you EVER say anything during your day about these things that others take for granted??? Most suffer in silence, learning how to manage through their day, accepting the new norm and making the best of things. I know you!!!! And my deepest honor and respect for all that you do in your courageous life! Blessings to YOU!

Deb aka AbcsOfra said...

Warmsocks...Thank you for all the wonderful suggestios to make my life a bit easier. You are so sweet!

Cathy...in my house we have two cars but my daughter and I share one of them and she is always at college or working. So the stick shift is all that is available. Buying another car is becoming high on the priority list. And if frigs could have legs, I would send my marching off to a car wash.

Thrive With RA...so glad that you get my humor :-) Laughter is my top sanity saver.

The Lady in Pred...oh yes! The dishwasher, I hate that too!

Theresa...this is good for me to know as our washer is old but still running well. At some point we will have to rebuy down the road and the front loaders were a concern of mine. You have convinced me to rebuy the top loader :-) And you caught me :-) I posted this hate list because I know we all think it at times but don't want to share it except with others who get it :-)

adrienne said...

Hey Deb, The best thing I bought this year is my Roomba. No more vacuuming! Don't know what a Roomba is? It is a vacuum that runs by itself. I have it programed to vacuum at 11 am everyday. It turns on and runs all over the place and then returns to it's "home". It has been a lifesaver since I have two dogs. Got it at Costco way cheaper than anywhere else.

Lana said...

Deb, Now that you have let it all out, do you feel better? :-) Great. I agree with you 100%. The shoes especially. They taunt me the most. There are so many I can no longer wear because my feet ache. The ones I do wear are not beautiful, they are merely comfortable. I used to wear an 8 ½ and now I have up to size 11 in my closet. It makes very little sense, does it? I don’t get it nor do I want to.

Deb aka AbcsOfra said...

Adrienne...that little round vacuum is on my wish list :-) I am just not sure how kitty friendly it will be or if it can handle two kitties pouncing. I totally agree with you and with our hardwood floors it would be a sure win!

Lana...One of these days I am going to cart my camera with me to the mall just to get a pic of some of these shoes. They are laughable even for the fittest female out there. I mean who designs these things anyway? But I would love to see some sort of fashion for us. There are a couple of lines that ra people swear by that look cute but you have to be willing to pay between $80-$100 a pair.

phylor said...

Studies of housework have shown that the vacuum introduced one of the biggest changes -- a woman could be expected to clean her house without the help of others! And, that the floor/carpeting should be spotless. And, if the floor was clean, well then, maybe the dining room table should be free of dust, and things escalate from there. I'm being a bit tongue in cheek, but really the vacuum revolutionized the how and whom of household cleaning. So, I hate vacuums! Especially mine -- an ancient upright that I swear puts more dust and dirt on the floor than it picks up!
I, too, hate sheets. It hurts my neck to make the bed.And, since we don't own many sheets, if I take them off, I have to wash them too, lol.
It must be so difficult to do those chores I take for granted when you have RA! And, I swear that dirty bathrooms and stoves mock me when my back is turned, lol.
We live in a very tiny house with horizontal slat blinds, so what I hate most, maybe even more than vacuuming, is dusting! I have horizontal slat blinds -- especially ours which seem to attract an inordinate amount of dust. And, since we have no space, there are piles of stuff everywhere that also like to collect dust.
Hubby doesn't see dust. Which is good because I'm not the best duster. And bad because when I'm away, nothing gets dusted. I came home this time to 7 months worth of dust on just about everything! But the kitchen floor was clean, at least. Yes, I hate mopping/washing floors too. My mop is almost as old as my vacuum.

Deb aka AbcsOfra said...

Phylor...I so agree with you on the dusting also. I will say that the Swiffer dusters have helped me alot with dusting. Particularly our blinds which collect dust. They can be a tad expensive but if you do try them, google for a coupon and maybe you will get lucky. And I still say, if one can afford a housekeeper by all means employ one. Thanks for your comment.

KlemMel said...

Love this post! I am sure we could all add more...my number one are the sheets and the tub. Cleaning it has become alsmot impossible, I just can't scrub like I used to.

Deb aka AbcsOfra said...

KlemMel...I still haven't come up with a "better way" to clean our tubs or make the beds. Nope, not yet but I keep trying :-) to figure out a better way.